Right, wrong and nothing in-between

Tomorrow my son turns one. The dramatic way in which babies change in such a short space of time is incredible isn’t it? He is turning into a young boy with a proper personality right before my eyes and nothing brings me greater joy than seeing him learning and doing new things, in his own unique way. It’s the little things.  At the moment, he likes picking things up and putting them in certain places, or dropping them through holes or from a height. Straight after he has done this he puts his arms up as if in a shrug and makes a noise, “eh!” like he is copying me when I respond by saying “oh!” in a high exclamation. This is just too lovely – seeing him trying to engage and have a conversation and look for a reaction from you.

But Oh my goodness, how I worry! I worry most at the moment about how to help him with this development correctly.  I know, I know, there is no correct, but there must be some approaches which are useful, and I just feel like I don’t know what they are. I want a book, that basically says, with a 1 year old who is at stage x of his development, you should be aiming that soon he can achieve y and z, and to do that, these games, rhymes, toys, exercises etc will help.  Does this book exist?  I have searched amazon and I can’t find this book!!!

I think I just sometimes feel like I am missing a trick – like how do other people find their information? I want to do the absolute best for my son. I want to help him develop by providing the best environment for him to do so, but without being all perfectionistic about it, and without getting frustrated at him when he is not ready to do that thing yet.

The last couple of days I have been particularly worried about his boisterousness. He has always been a bit frantic – very hyper-aware of sights, sounds, smells etc. and he has always fidgeted in our arms wanting to see what is happening around him. Recently, as I have been trying to help him learn by asking him to bring me certain toys, he simply ignores my requests and does his own thing. Its hard to know whether that is him being wilful or whether he does not yet understand. He also throws his toys around a bit – I don’t feel like it is in a naughty way – I don’t feel he is knowledgeable enough to do that yet, and also I think it is part of his development…seeing what happens when... And he is allowed to throw a ball, so how does he know not to throw his shape sorter? But I still worry about it – am I being too lenient? I ask him not to throw and tell him to be gentle with his toys, but should I be clearer – telling him off, taking him away from his toys when he does it so he knows it is wrong? 

When there is no right answer, and you have to decide your own approach to how you do things, that is when I struggle. Such a mathematician am I that I like right and wrong, and proofs and instructions. I don’t like the grey of make your own mind up.

And yet…he is developing marvellously – at his own pace, in his own time, with his own unique approach and I love that.